PS, I scored the bridesmaids by Paul Howard

Author:Paul Howard [Howard, Paul]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781847174437
Publisher: The O'Brien Press
Published: 2013-09-01T06:00:00+00:00

So there I am, roysh, strolling down Grafton Street, taking in the sights, copping an eyeful of the scenario, when all of a sudden I nearly fall orse over tit over this stupid bitch begging outside, like, Bewley’s. Of course, I was going to do my usual thing, which is, like, boot the cup down the street and then, when she’s, like, scrambling around on her hands and knees trying to pick it all up, go, ‘Good to see you’re prepared to work for your money,’ which always cracks the goys up. But this time, roysh, I didn’t do it and the reason was that I recognised the bird who was begging. Or at least I thought I did. I’m there, ‘Claire?’ and she looks at me in, like, total shock and we’re talking total shock. This is Claire as in Sorcha’s bridesmaid, as in Dalkey wannabe, who actually comes from Bray of all places. I’m there, ‘What the fock are you doing? I take it that summer job in USIT fell through?’ and she goes, ‘Ssshhh! Pretend you don’t recognise me,’ and of course I’m there, ‘With focking pleasure. Wouldn’t do much for my street cred to be caught talking to a pile of focking gorbage.’

So I’m about to walk away, roysh, but I just have to turn back, roysh, and I go, ‘Okay, the curiosity is killing me. What’s the focking Jackanory?’ She goes, ‘If you MUST know, Ross, this is part of my thesis. I’m doing, like, social studies? I’m doing it on the plight of the poor in our society and I’m trying to find out how little these beggars have to get by on.’ She SO wants to be Sorcha it’s not funny.

There’s about three euro in change in the little Wrigley’s box in front of her. I’m like, ‘Not doing very well, are you? Do you the think the cappuccino there is putting people off?’ She’s actually got a big frothy coffee from, like, Butler’s on the ground beside her. She goes, ‘HELLO? I’m entitled to a coffee break, you know.’ I’m just there cracking up, going, ‘This I’ve got to tell the goys,’ and I’m just turning around to, like, walk away, roysh, when who do I literally bump into only the one person who always seems to, like, materialise – if that’s the roysh word – whenever you’re in a really embarrassing situation. We’re talking Erika. For the first time basically ever, roysh, she actually looks pleased to see Claire.

She goes to me, ‘When I saw you talking to a vagrant, Ross, I really thought Princess Diana was storting to rub off on you.’ That’s, like, her name for Sorcha. I try to, like, deflect the heat away from me, roysh, pointing at Claire and giving it, ‘What’s she focking like, huh?’ and Erika just gives her this – I think the word is, like, withering – look and goes, ‘Going back to your roots, Claire?’ and Claire, roysh, storts going, ‘It’s ACTUALLY for my thesis? It’s on the plight of the poor in our society.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.